we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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