Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
