What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
