I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
