You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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