For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
