he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
