my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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