I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
