that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
