Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just found a bag of teeth...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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