dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize