no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
