in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
