I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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