He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
