I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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