you guys were way drunker than both of me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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