At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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