if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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