tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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