"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
where are my eyebrows?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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