Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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