I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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