haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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