My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
