can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
