Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
