I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
