White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
