walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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