If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
