I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
