Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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