whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You pole danced in your parka.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
