Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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