Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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