you didnt know i had herpes?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
