I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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