So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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