True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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