my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
