Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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