If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
