every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
