she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
