I got chris browned last night
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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