In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
