allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
