So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
17 year olds will be the death of me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
