I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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