My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
