oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
