whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
