I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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