when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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