the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I forget how to act sober
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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