Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
