All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
