stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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