Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
