walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
