You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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