stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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