i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
