please come you make the beer taste better
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
