I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
